Adventures In Babysitting
by GundamTrinity
Summary: Pure humor. Slight AU, probably. Cuteness and Chibi-G boys. Une torture. Written By StandingOnTheRooftops. Hints of: TreizexUne. 1 2, 3 4. 5 knives. *giggles* Oh... and puppyxUne. Oh, and keep in mind... no worms were harmed in the making of this fic.


_**Adventures In Babysitting**_

Summary: Well... the title pretty much says it all. It's Une's adventures in baby-sitting five very rambunctious little boys.

Warnings: Well... chibi G-boys, of course. Slight, slight Relena abuse. A little, well... not-that-slight Une abuse, hahaha! Oh, and if you squint, little hints at 1+2, 3+4... but nothing weird- they are kids, after all. UnexTreize is mentioned... Oh, and one-sided R+1 ^_^

Disclaimer: I don't own the G-boys... oh... and also, please note that no worms were harmed in the writing of this fic. ^_^

Dedications: *cuddlepurr* My own adorable violet-eyed demon. Much love, darling daughter. And thanks for helping with this idea. It's a bit more than the drabble I was planning... and it's maybe not exactly what you'd thought... but, I think it's pretty funny anyways! Enjoy!

#

_**Adventures In Babysitting**_

#

Une snapped awake at the 'humph'. It was an exasperated sound. Towering over her, Lucrezia Marquise stood in all her tall glory, her black hair falling in her face gracefully... as gracefully as she wore the smart, classy dark gray business suit.

"Lady, this is most undignified, you know. I keep wondering if I really should trust you. But no-one else is willing to give up an entire weekday," she trailed off. "Oh, sugar. Lady, you will take care of them, right? I couldn't bear it if you dared let anything happen to my darlings. My dear sister Sally did trust me to watch after her little Duo and Trowa. And I do apologize for Quatre. He's a doll- he'll be no trouble at all, I promise. Silly uncle of his. I never mind watching him. Especially when I've got my nephews. Trowa and he are such good friends..." Mrs. Marquise's voice trailed off as she smiled dreamily, thinking of all her adorable children.

"I'll keep good watch, Mrs. M. You and Mr. M go out and take care of those business meetings of yours."

"Yes, yes. Of course. Now, supper is in the oven. Just needs re-heating. And no sweets until **after** supper, alright? All emergency numbers are on the 'fridge, and oh, dear... am I missing anything? Oh, yes... Heero's allergy medicine is in the second drawer from the forks and spoons... and um...ah..."

"I know, I know, Mrs. M. I've got it. You go do your thing."

"Right, Lady. Okay. We'll be back sometime around eight or nine, hopefully. Try to get them in bed by then, alright? If they stay up too late, they never want to wake up the next day. Alright... okay. Bye, Lady!"

In a fluster, Lucrezia Marquise turned and bustled out of the house to where her husband waited with the car.

Une sighed and sank back down into the plumpness of the couch. She'd been here fifteen minutes, and had heard neither hide nor hair of any of the five 'precious little darlings' that she was supposed to be watching. Playing in the toy-room, Mrs. M had said.

Une closed her eyes again. She'd watched Heero and Wufei for the Marquise's before. Quite little kids. Usually left her alone, unless they got too much sugar, then they were a bit hyper. But with-hold thhe sugar, and they were the perfect little children.

Une closed her eyes... and started to drift again.

#

Violet eyes peered over the back of the chair, at the top of a light brown pony tail. Slowly, ever so slowly... the owner of said violet eyes moved into position.

"Duo?" hissed a little boy, about four or five years old, looking at his friend, balanced precariously on the back of the couch, intent on something on the other side of it. The boy standing by the hall looked adorable with messy chocolate hair and dressed in a cute little blue and white sailor outfit.

The soft giggling that reached the chocolate haired, worried, boy did little to ease his mind.

A minute later, Duo joined the other boy at the corner of the hall and the living-room. "It's alright, Heero," Duo smiled, bouncing up and down in his cut little black overalls and white T-shirt.

"What did you do?"

Duo grinned. "I didn't do much. Just... a little mud, is all. Mommy puts it all over her face. S'posed to make it all **soft** and all. I figured the Lady would appreciate it if I helped her **hair**, too. She's gonna be soooooooooo happy with me!"

Heero sneaked around and peered around the couch, then bolted back to their little meeting spot.

"Duo... Mum never uses **that** kind of mud on her hair. Where did you find it anyways?"

"Backyard, duh. The water-hose kinda drips, y'know? Lots and lots of mud under it." Duo grinned again.

"Hmm."

Duo tilted his head and observed Heero. "C'mon. Let's go play in the mud."

Heero thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Okay."

#

Une woke up as she felt something drip onto her nose. She wiped at it, then stared sleepily at her hand. It was... brown? She sniffed the brownish mess... then screeched.

Where the heck had **mud** come from. She jumped up, then screeched again as she felt another lump of the cold mess slid down into her ear, and more slid drip down onto her nose.

"WHO PUT **MUD** ON ME!" she wailed as she rushed to the kitchen sink to begin rinsing the brown sludge from her hair with the hand sprayer.

#

Aqua eyes and Emerald followed the girl as she dashed to the kitchen and bent over the sink.

"I don't think she liked Duo's surprise," the little blond haired, blue-eyed boy said, fidgeting in his teeny pressed slacks and his just as teeny pink shirt.

The emerald eyed boy just shook his head. He knew his brother. Duo did things like that all the time. And usually... it was hard to tell if Duo even **meant** well to begin with. Duo was trouble on two legs- although, sometimes he did have to crawl to accomplish his mischievous missions.

"Did you bring your puppy?" Trowa asked, looking at his blond little friend. Blue eyes smiled brightly up at him.

"Of course."

"Hmm... let's go play with him."

#

Almost an hour later, Une sighed as she finally got the last remnants of mud from her hair. She wrung as much water as she could from the mass, then just left it to hand down. Cold eyed, she stared around. Now, where were those kids?

*yip, yip*

Lady Une turned to the stairs down the hall, towards the children's play room. Aha. But... what could make a yipping noise?

Une walked cautiously down the hall... and peered into the play room.

Only to scream and fall back as she was attacked by a yipping, slobbering, fuzzy... **licking...** mass of Saint Bernard puppy.

"Sandy, down, boy," little Quatre giggled, trying to order the six month old retriever puppy down, even though he was hopelessly smaller than the dog- if one could call it that. The thing was as big as a cow, Une thought!

Trowa giggled, helping his blond friend pull the dog off of her, although it was more because the dog wanted to lick **them**, than actually them being able to **pull** it.

"He likes you, Une-Lady!" The little brunette laughed brightly. "He wanted to give you kisses!"

Une nearly puked, tasting dog slobber in her mouth, feeling it in her nose...

"EEEEWWWWWW!" She screeched- a rather familiar sound for her- and jumped up, dashing out of the room and **back** to the kitchen sink. Probably to wash her mouth out with dish soap.

Trowa, Quatre, and Sandy peered around the corner into the kitchen.

"Sandy's kisses aren't that yucky, are they, Trowa?" Quatre asked, turning big blue eyes to his taller friend, dressed in blue jeans and a blue sweater.

Trowa shrugged, patting Quatre's shoulder even as Sandy switched back and forth, licking the both of them.

"Maybe she doesn't like boys," he said. "Maybe she only likes girl kisses."

Quatre made a face.

"Girls are icky. They got cooties."

Trowa laughed, but nodded all the same.

Girls were icky.

And they **did** have cooties. Heero said so... and Heero was the smartest of them all.

#

Another thirty minutes later, Une dry heaved for the last time. Maybe lemon-scented dish soap wasn't exactly better tasting than dog slobber, she thought wryly. Next time... better just go to the bathroom and use mouth-wash. Yuk.

Her cell phone rang. She pulled it out, grinning excitedly. "Treize! Oh, how wonderful of you to call. What? The children? Oh, they're absolute **angels**. And they've got the most adorable little puppy. We're so busy playing, I've hardly noticed the time. Oh, yes. Tomorrow? With me? Aww... of course. Five then. Okay. Bye, Treize!"

She snapped the phone closed, torn between grimacing at her lies and grinning at securing another date with her boyfriend.

She glanced at the clock on the wall. Hmm. Just about supper-time. She turned the oven on, then went to gather up the younglings.

Fifteen minutes later saw Une and five little children seated around the dining table. Wufei... she didn't know where he'd come from. Probably from being stuck nose-to-page in a book, she guessed, as he wasn't a single bit dirty. Trowa and Quatre were rather clean. Except for the dog-slobber dribbled down their clothes. Une shuddered.

And Heero and Duo...

They were a mess. Covered head to toe in mud- and not at all sheepish about it. Annoyed, she'd had them spray off their hands, feet, and faces outside. The rest could be cleaned up... later. Food now. Starving the children you were supposed to be baby-sitting wasn't good.

The children ate in silence. Gobbling up the meat... picking slowly through the peas and corn. Even Wufei, the more mature, she supposed, even grimaced when he ate a pea.

After a quiet, rather uneventful dinner... Hn, she thought. Uneventful? Well... it had been up until Duo had used his spoon as a catapult, tossing a spray of peas at Wufei. Who had ducked, so that the peas stuck into Quatre's cute little blond curls.

The angelic little blond had pouted, but retaliated, using his own spoon to launch a glob of gravy back at the braided little trouble-maker. Duo wasn't silly, though, and barely managed to duck... just in time for the gooey brown gel to splatter across Heero's face.

At this point, Une had sighed, and resigned herself to cleaning up after an epic food-fight.

She gave a last, rueful glance at the corn stuck to the ceiling... then sighed. Maybe if she gave them all a brownie and a glass of warm milk, they'd settle down and go to sleep.

Maybe.

Hopefully...

#

Probably not, she decided, watching as the five children and one rambunctious Saint Bernard ran around at warp speed. They'd eaten the brownie, alright... and then forgone the milk meant to make them sleepy.

So now she had five **sugar-hyper** little boys to contend with. Ugh. Would the day never end?

*ding, dong*

Ugh, she thought. It was no where near time for the Marquise's to be back... so who...?

She opened the door. And there on the doorstep sat a perfect looking little angel. Honey colored hair, long and with two little dinky braids on either side, pulling the hair away from her face. A perfectly pressed little pink dress, with white little mary-jane shoes... and even a little pink ribbon in her hair.

"Hi, Mrs. Une-Lady-person," the girl chirped. "Can I come over and play with Heeeeeee-ro," she beamed, drawing out the name. She had a horridly blond 'Barbie' doll in her hands, perfectly pink little bathing suit on it, hair done up in two little buns, and an odd little pair of glasses on it's little doll nose. Une nearly gagged. Poor doll... the girl had such a death-hold around the doll's little neck that it was surprising that the doll wasn't decapitated... it would certainty have strangled to death by now if it were alive.

Une shuddered. She'd know for a long time that Relena Darlian, the little girl next door to the Marquise's had a crush on the chocolate haired boy. But... she thought... in a little boy's mind... Girls were icky. Must be the pink, she thought. Too much pink... and such a bubble-gum pink at that.

"I'm sorry, Relena. Maybe another day. They're just finishing up from dinner."

The girl pouted, but nodded. "Oh, okay then. Can you tell Heero I stopped by. I'm sure he'd want to know. Please? Okay, bye Mrs. Une-Lady-person!"

And with that, she skipped back across to her own yard, and Une shut the door, sighing as she turned to walk back into the kitchen... where she promptly screeched.

"Wufei! What are you doing! Get away from the knives!"

Une dove to save the little boy, currently teetering away on a bar-stool, staring dreamily at the knives in their perfect little knife block.

As she reprimanded the one... she didn't notice the other four sneak away.

#

"Okay. So you two distract her. Duo... help me. Quatre... save Wufei. He can help you."

Three nods followed... followed by four sets of giggles.

Oh... this should be fun.

#

"You should know better!" Une scolded. "Knives are very bad. They can **hurt** you. It's a 'no-no'. A very BIG 'no-no' to touch the knives. Why, Wufei, I should probably spank your bottom for being such a nau... eeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk!"

Giggles burst forth into the room as Quatre and Trowa dashed about like mad, having very good aim for a four year old and a five year old. But then again... it was just water guns. Not like they were supposed to be soldiers with beam cannons or anything.

And, it is to be mentioned that the water was cold.

Very cold. And currently snaking it's way down Une's back. She shivered, then growled.

"You naughty boys!" she screeched, then dove after them. Wufei giggled, scrambling down from his seat on the stool.

"Wufei!" Quatre laughed, dashing close enough to hand Wufei a small little bag of water-balloons. Which he preceded to launch with uncanny accuracy at the poor, poor baby-sitter.

Who never even noticed that, as she chased three little boys out of the kitchen... another two entered it.

#

Another twenty minutes later, a soaked Une drug herself back to the kitchen. She'd lost... to three toddlers and a puppy. Her credentials as a baby-sitter were going down the drain with today.

With a defeated sigh, she opened the refrigerator and brought out a small Tupperware cup of chocolate pudding. She needed a little pick-me-up. Just a burst of sugar to help her chase back after those children.

Settling down at the counter, she grabbed a spoon and dug in.

Five pairs of eyes observed gleefully from around the corner. Watching... waiting.

Une savored a mouthful of pudding, then dug her spoon back in, bringing a second helping of the smooth, chocolate-y goodness to her mouth. She paused as she felt something odd wriggle on her tongue. Wait...

Wriggle?

She opened her mouth and pulled the spoonful back out, most of the pudding still on the spoon...

and stared horrified at the half a worm wriggling around in her pudding.

Five little boys giggled as the baby-sitter dashed **back** to the kitchen sink... and yet **again** began to puke and wash her mouth out with lemon-scented dish soap.

Five little boys giggled softly and looked at each other.

"Mission accomplished," they all chimed together, then... still giggling... they went back to the playroom.

It had been a long day, and they were each all tired.

"Sleep?" Quatre asked... and they all nodded.

Curling up with one very tuckered-out puppy, they all piled up in the play-room and let the sandman weave his sweet little spell.

#

Une gagged again, and leaned back from the sink. Wait... what was that ticking noise?

She looked around the kitchen... and saw the toaster sitting innocently by the knife block. She peered... well, that explains it, she thought. Somehow, the toaster's lever must have been pressed down. Sighing, she flicked the lever back up...

And screamed as the entire world went **Boom** and exploded around her.

#

Une sat up screaming in her bed, the sheets drenched in sweat. Her hand automatically reached for the gun she kept under her pillow. She sighed when she realized it was all a dream. Clutching her gun to her chest, she lay back down with a long, drawn-out sigh of frustration.

Damn, but that was one weird dream. And damn those stupid Gundam pilots for not only ruining her waking moments, but for haunting her sleep, as well.

Annoyed, Une closed her eyes again, praying that she'd have no more dreams about toddler pilots, water guns, or... barbies with striking resemblances of her, she grimaced.

Damn pilot Zero Two. One of these days she would get her hands on him. One of these day... he would be **dead**.

#

Miles and miles away, Duo chuckled.

"What are you laughing about, baka?" Heero demanded, glancing over at his mission partner.

"Just thinking about what new pranks we can pull on Lady Une and her Oz lackeys. Heero, my friend... how do you feel about... worms?"


End file.
